Thursday, September 22, 2005

Siren's Song

I have named the new cat "Siren" because every night she whines incessantly and has kept me awake for days on end. Besides the annoying drone, the name seemed appropriate: the Siren's Song is known for its alluring beauty, but eventually makes you want to kill yourself. It is true that the cliffs of cuteness lead to the rocks of regret.

On my third sleepless night I found myself completely losing my mind. I was so exhausted that I got up and started sobbing while screaming at the cat. Me: "Just SHUT UP! PLEASE just STOP! STOP IT!" Cat: "Meow. Meow. Meow." Me: "You are a DIRTY HORRIBLE animal! I have spent two hundred dollars on you and you are FUCKING me OVER!" Cat: "Meow. Meow. Meow." Me, now hsyterically sobbing and throwing things at the cat. "SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP! Fuck you! Fuck all cats everywhere! Fuck your ancestors and the evolutionary path that has brought you into my living room!" Cat: "Meow. Meow. Meow." Me: "I understand why mothers drown their children!"

I have spent two hundred dollars getting this cat checked out, it has fleas which are now in my house, I can't get it placed anywhere, and I now apparently have no moral compass. I believe I have martyred myself on the altar of animal rescue for the first and last time.


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