Time Warp

My alarm clock has been broken for a week and it has made no impact on my life whatsoever. I can't tell if this makes my lifestyle unbelievably cool or unbelievably depressing.

Grauman's Chinese or Bust

I know plenty of people who take Star Wars pretty seriously, but these people take the location of the theater in which they see Star Wars really really really seriously.

Uh, No...

Rosie O'Donnell's blog is nothing short of amazing. An effortless blend of bad high school poetry, gay politics, and cloying Hallmark sentimentality. And the comments section is the ultimate proof of America's love of the mediocre and mundane.

She recently moved said journal to a new site. Sadly, she no longer has the "About Me" section that is typically posted in the upper right corner of most blogs. The old version read:

About Me:

came and stayed out
still love babs
cutting carbs
praying for peace

Now there is a woman with her priorities in order.

The Game of Life

Life can apparently be boiled down to a series of inifinite patterns, as asserted in the The Game of Life. This cellular automota was created by John Conway in 1970 at Harvard. In the game cells multiply, survive, or die of loneliness. Life, indeed.

The Joy of Urban Landscaping

I live in an area of Brooklyn known as the Gowanus, so named for the infamous and very toxic canal that runs through it. It's a tiny sliver of a neighborhood that sits in between Park Slope and Carroll Gardens. There is not a lot to it unless you are in the market for unisex hair salons and tire shops.

Some time ago, a Lowe's Home Improvement center opened up a half block from my house, bordering the canal. Apparently any business that opens in this area is required to do something to improve its appearance, so within the Lowe's parking lot they have created a promenade along the canal with benches and trees and plots of grass. If you sit on the benches you can look down at the purple and green water, watch the traffic on the BQE, stare at two huge oil drums and get a fetching view of a demolished building being torn apart by cranes.

In the mornings I take a walk over to F-line Bagels (amazing hazelnut iced coffee) and grab breakfast and head to the Lowe's parking lot to sit on the benches and take in the view. Strangely, no one else seems too excited about viewing this spectacular vantage point, so it is the one place I can be guaranteed to have some time to myself. It is the ultimate urban park. I highly recommend it.

Sidenote: The MTA is suing F Line Bagels because of their name and the fact that the store is decorated like a subway (minus the rats and piss puddles of course). The MTA is like the Monty Burns of NYC -- exercising major control over our daily lives and exuding pure evil at every opportunity. Seriously, stop being such a douchebag, MTA!

Hats Off, Mr. Vesey

My best friend's dad died yesterday. David Vesey was everyone's favorite cool dad. I have many fond memories of the Vesey household which was filled with awesome 50s furniture and amazing stereo equipment, and even had a phone in what is, to this day, the most enormous bathroom I have ever seen. I recall leaving their household with all sorts of cool records in tow (David Bowie, Rolling Stones) that David would decide to give me at the spur of the moment. He made me feel smart at a time when I probably wasn't and made me feel cool when I most definitely wasn't, and for that I will feel forever grateful. Thanks Mr. Vesey. RIP.

No Sleep 'Til Brooklyn

I just got back from a whirlwind vacation in San Francisco. Some highlights and observations:

● All airport stores and kiosks are marvels of modern inefficiency. I spent 10 dollars on a soggy croissant-egg-concoction this morning and nearly missed my plane. However I did have a delicious bratwurst in Chicago. Sometimes layovers payoff.

● I had next to no sleep the night before both of my flights so had awesome naps on the plane. Plane sleep is amazing.

● It seems lame to spend your vacation watching TV, but since I never watch TV at home, I tend to do just that. While in San Francisco I watched The Office, Curb Your Enthusiasm, and Midnight Cowboy. I had never seen any of them before and my time was not wasted.

● San Francisco is full of very interesting people. On this trip I met the guy who made the film "24 Hours on Craigslist," a girl who writes all the press releases for NASA, and a tugboat captain. Last time I was there I met a rockstar and an ex-Olympic athlete.....Ah, San Francisco.

● I went to one of the most beautiful houses I have ever seen in my life. It had a view of the whole city, a hot tub, a landscaped backyard and several terraces. Every place in San Francisco seems to have a view, because of the uneven street setup (aka lots of hills). It sure beats the view of the elevated F line across the street from my apartment.

● Cigarettes in San Francisco cost $3.75. I bought a carton. This elates and depresses me simultaneously.

● My friend Kevin works for Macromedia. He is very very smart and has probably designed everything you have ever used on your computer. The day before I arrived he took 500 people from his company to the movies. This really makes me want to work for a computer company.

● Somewhat related to the previous item: San Francisco is to the computer/technology industry what LA is to the entertainment industry. You cannot swing a dead cat without hitting a computer programmer in the face.

This is the first vacation I have ever had where I missed NYC. I guess that's a good thing.

List in Space!

Craig's List has lost its fucking mind.

Q: Do you really think there is a chance that Extraterrestrials will receive and understand this transmission?
A: DSCN has assured us that there is a nonzero chance of this happening. Pretty exciting!

See here

Huh?