Please shut the fuck up

I can't stand it when people say "Oh my God! I (missed my train/was late for work/spilled ketchup on my shirt etc.). This ALWAYS happens to me. That is SO the way my life goes. Why me? Oh why is my life so full of drama and negativity?"

Stop complaining. Your life is fine. Annoying shit happens to everyone. It doesn't just happen to you because there is some universal conspiracy designed to make your life cumbersome. Shut up and smile asshole.

Rant over.

Lazy Sunday

Recently the awesome Lonely Island guys did a hilarious video on SNL, Lazy Sunday.

Leave it to two eight-year old kids to come up with the ultimate tribute.

Hilarious.

time's a wastin'

In the tradition of talking about television and other useless and already well-documented topics, and thanks to the addition of cable and Netflix to my life, I submit my newest obessions:

24--My friend was on the first season which got me completely hooked. Due to my schedule I stopped watching but recently got caught up on Seasons 2 and 3 via my DVD player and am about to embark on a marathon of watching Season 4 before Season 5 starts on Sunday. Holy Moly! This is really one of the best shows ever. It's impossible to watch just one. I want to be Jack Bauer when I grow up. And by that I mean, I want to be a heroin-addicted, ruthless, detached federal agent with emotional problems who will stop at nothing to save his country.

Project Runway--I have always eschewed reality TV (Except for Tough Enough, the MTV show about people competing to become WWF wrestlers), but this has got me hooked. The clothes! The egos! The hilarious bitchiness of Michael Kors and Nina Garcia! And the awesome Tim Gunn who tempers elegant support with blunt criticism. I even sort of like Heidi Klum. This show has made me respect a model. What is the world coming to?

Movies!
I am currently taking a very enjoyable improv class studying the form "The Movie." Our teacher, Dyna Moe, gives us assignments of movies to watch. This is great because I can spend hours in front of my TV and feel like I am actually accomplishing something! Thus far I have watched:
Breaking Away (old favorite, great movie)
Miracle (sappy, crappy, but great hockey game at the end, which is probably only enjoyable if you like hockey, which I do. Plus a friend of mine from acting school plays the goalie.)
High Noon (classic western, dated but fun)
The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly (Sergio Leone was a genius--great music, great visuals, great story)
The Maltese Falcon (ridiculous plot, great Bogart)
Touch of Evil (Orson Welles can't be beat)
Singin' in the Rain (Gene Kelly=Great Dancer, Terrible Actor).

On Deck: The Music Man, The Blue Dahlia. Brief and Useless Reviews Forthcoming.

The Usual Suspects

It's always interesting to see what leads people to this journal. Recent examples include:

f line bagels
what are to comon signs of ill cats (spelled exactly this way)
superfree sex
the nemisis paper plane
horrible alcoholic husband boyfriend stories

and of course:

black mariachi toddler outfits.

Clearly, all of these people have been led exactly to the right place.

As If I Didn't Have Enough to Worry About

Another Cheerful Note from Dad:

Email Header: DIABETES!!

"Daunting report in the NYT about the pernicious stealth attack from this disease -- people often don't know for years, until the body is in a fairly advanced stage of infection, with most dire results -- lost toes, feet, legs. This even in youngish people, and with NYC leading the nation in new cases all are advised to listen up.

Two key causes - weight and sugar, followed by lack of exercise and insufficient diet (of green veg and fruit, natch).

Don't want to raise alarm but a serious thought -- maybe more motivation for more gym time. Next time you get to an MD ask for test on this.

Dad"

Apparently I am currently overweight and will eventually lose a limb.

Uh, thanks Dad.