Resolutions

Every year we all go about making resolutions we don't keep. So I have decided to go the opposite route and list a bunch of resolutions that I will definitely keep, not matter how hard I may resist:

I resolve to:

-watch The Hills when I should be cleaning the house.
-forget to buy cat food at least once a month.
-say I am going to spend time writing and instead update my Facebook profile.
-let my laundry pile up until I have nothing left to wear.
-spend too much money on cabs and food and beer.
-spend too much money on the above even when I can't pay my rent.
-start at least one crafty project that will get only partially done and then sit in the corner of my room for six months.
-look up ex-boyfriends on MySpace and Facebook.
-make plans with people that never happen because I am too lazy to actaully call them when the time comes.

I am pretty sure I can keep these. Look for an update at the end of 2008 to see how I did!!!

Viva la New Year.

Must Like Dogs

I have been sick for 5 days. FIVE. It hasn't been a full-blown flu, but rather a slow metamorphasis from fever/cold to cold/couch to cough/sore throat. I can't wait to see what evolves into next.

Anyway, being sick during the one week where I have next to no obligations is par for the course. On the bright side, I dont' have rent money so the fact that I have been bed-ridden for the past 5 days has kept me from frittering away money on things like food and taxis. Except for the one night in the middle of my flu-storm when I decided to go out and drink beer and 5 whiskies at McManus thus exposing me to the worst hangover I have had since college.

But that is not the point of this post. The point of this post is to talk about Match.com. After everyone I know has told me I have to try online dating, I filled out a profile on Match which is excruciating because you need to be charming and funny while you talk about why you hate Good Charlotte and love Dave Eggers without sounding like an asshole, which is pretty much impossible. You also have to fill out all sorts of lists as in Interests: Coffee and Conversation, Dining Out, Movies. Wow, that probably tells you a lot about me - I like coffee, conversation, eating, and movies. You like those things too? No kidding.

Then you get hilarious emails from Match.com which let you know that someone has contacted you. One email read, "Hello Rachael! You just got an email from a dog person!:

Then when you open the email it says:

Look how much you have in common:

He is a dog person too.
He also wants kids someday.

Wow. That is a match made in heaven. I am picking out my wedding dress right now.

Anyway, I have already given up on Match.com, partially because I am in a holding pattern with someone I like (and actually know in real life), but mostly because this shit costs like 40 DOLLARS for one month. I am broke y'all. I have no desire to pay 40 dollars just to meet someone who enjoys basic activities that only a retard/recluse would abstain from.

Happy New Year.

Smartin

I, along with every other comedy nerd on the planet, am reading Steve Martin's new book "Born Standing Up" which chronicles his stand up career. I recommend this book if you like Steve Martin, or comedy, or creativity, or life.

Among the many nuggets of wisdom contained in this book, the following is my favorite quote so far, as it pertains to any creative pursuit and sums up the challenges of that pursuit so well:

"It was easy to be great. Every entertainer has a night when everything is clicking. These nights are accidental and statistical: Like lucky cards in poker, you can account on them occurring over time. What was hard was to be good, consistently good, night after night, now matter what the abominable circumstances."

2008: Strive for goodness.

A New Old Video

I made this video a zillion years ago. It stars me, Billy Merritt, Sean Conroy, Michael Delaney, and a bunch of other familiar UCB faces. It's up on Funny or Die (www.funnyordie.com). If you like it please go there and rate it. Unfortuantely I didn't really know shit about filmmaking at the time so the sound is truly terrible, but other then that I am still pretty proud of it.



I am working on a bunch of short film scripts right now so hopefully there will be more to come.

Resurrected

Christmas seems as good a time as any to bring back this blog. And yes, I realize that on the religious calendar Christmas is not about resurrection but I don't play by the rules. Fun Fact #1: I had to look up the correct spelling of resurrection in the dictionary. Fun Fact #2: When I woke up today I wasn't sure if it was Christmas Eve or Christmas Day. I cannot tell if this makes my life unbelievably cool or unbelievably sad.

I am not sure what I will be writing about here. I feel like I have run out of fun stories from my past, although if I think of any I will surely share them here. So more then likely I will just rant about the strike, or what I had for lunch, or the people that annoyed me today, or The Hills. In other words, this blog will not be particularly distinguishable from anyone else's.

I thought of taking on a cool project, like my friend Jen McNeil's, but frankly I don't have the energy, or the time. My finances are dire which means that I will probably take another job soon, leaving me less time for doing things like visiting every museum in NYC and writing about it or watching every movie on the AFI's top 100 list and then giving you my amateur criticism which no one would care about but me. (I have legitimately thought of doing these things in the past, I am not being hip and ironic here).

I am going through a transitional period right now, although I always feel like I am going through a transitional period. Which means I will probably write a bunch of self-serving soul-searching posts about the state of my existence and how I am alone in this big black void we call life and how I can't get a date and how my cat is constantly throwing up and how my house is a mess. Also I will probably write about movies and food.

2008: the year of the meaningless rambling post. Now you have something to look forward to. (Yeah I ended my sentence with a preposition. Like I said, I don't play by the rules.)